Life is a story, the ending matters

If we reach it before we are ready, our destination can unsettle us. All of us alive have the same destination—death. When we realise it creeping upon us, many of us are not ready to disembark. That is when we need the ashraya (shelter) of karuna (compassion) to help us cope and to let go in peace.

Karunashraya, the palliative care centre in Bengaluru has just published Crossing Over, a collection of 35 stories of people whose journeys so ended. It is about how the proximity of that ending affected those who had to leave, those they left behind and the compassionate team at Karunashraya. 

Kala had just completed her postgraduation and had desperately wanted a job in a media company. On the way back from the interview, she collapsed at the bus stop. So did her dreams. The diagnosis was colorectal carcinoma. The agony continued after she came to Karunashraya following long days of treatment. Then the counselling began to work. Her pain and symptoms eased. She started to open up. She began to laugh and chat with the nurses. She would dress up in pretty clothes, determined to make the most of the time she had left.

Selvi was adamant that her husband should marry her younger sister so that he and their children would have someone to look after them after Selvi’s imminent end. Her tears and persistence finally forced them to agree. On the day of the wedding, Selvi told her sister what to wear. When the couple came to meet her after the marriage, an angry Selvi shouted at her sister for stealing her family. Selvi died in regret and anger, confessing to the counsellor that she had made everyone miserable.

When it comes to palliative care, there are courses and experts but no easy answers. There is no room for judgment, but frustration thrives. A gentle touch or a patient ear often helps to ease the pain as effectively as an opioid.

Life matters until it is. The idea is to ensure comfort and facilitate closure. Every palliative care professional tries to practice detached attachment. Yet, it is never easy. There is no shutter you can pull down at the end of the day. They must share the tears and fears of one patient after another, day after day. This book is as much a tribute to them as they are about those they care for.

As Atul Gawande, the famous writer and surgeon put it, “In the end, people don’t view their life as merely the average of all its moments. Life is meaningful because it is a story. And in stories, endings matter.”

Read this book. Because we are all living our stories. You will find no morals in the pages of Crossing Over. You will find acceptance. And gratitude for those who make the ending matter.

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Image: The Soul of Dusk by Sharang Karkal. Image and stories extracted from Crossing Over. For buying the book, please contact +91 73383 82999, +91 99802 33578 or info@karunashraya.org.